Motherhood Round Two

Postpartum life with Camden vs. Mila is much (MUCH!) different. For me, it’s been easier transitioning from one child to two than it was from no children to one. I’ve mentioned before that Camden wasn’t planned. I became a mom way earlier than I was ready to be (should I write a blog post about that?), but I was super excited to start my little family. After having Cam, I remember leaving the hospital and thinking “holy sh*t now what?!”…I wanted to turn the car around and stay for another week lol. I honestly couldn’t believe the nurses were just letting us leave! Everyone says that your instincts kick in but I felt like I needed a manual. Breastfeeding was not going well – he would hardly latch and screamed every time he tried to eat (I ended up exclusively pumping). To add more chaos to our life, we went to Turks & Caicos with Kyle’s family when Cam was two weeks old. Which was the most amazing trip ever but looking back I can’t believe we did that! So we didn’t have the most “normal” newborn stage experience.

We got home from vacay when Cam was about a month old and he had become very fussy. We tried reflux medicine, I cut dairy out of my diet, essential oils, etc. but nothing was helping. I felt very anxious and panicked when he was awake and prayed he would take long naps. I felt sad he was in pain and I couldn’t comfort him but also sad for myself – this is not how I pictured motherhood. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but I didn’t know it was going to be this hard. The days were really long, and I cried a lot. I felt so disconnected from my baby and felt guilty for feeling like that. I even started to resent Kyle because he “got to” leave for work everyday. It eventually got better but the whole experience left a bad taste in my mouth. And I’m in no way writing this for sympathy, just sharing my story!

When I was pregnant with Mila, I was starting to get nervous that I was going to have postpartum depression again. I wanted to be prepared so I talked with my doctor and he started me on 10mg of Lexapro. He said your chances of having PPD are higher if you had it with your first. So I started taking it the week she was born and he said we could adjust the dosage if needed. I also feared what I knew – sleepless nights. So we hired a night nurse for some relief at night. This gave me major peace of mind knowing we would have some help!

Well now I’m two months in and the experience has been SO much different. I feel confident, I’m not panicked every time she cries, I have more patience, I’m relaxed, and have no PPD. It helps that she’s a super chill baby (pretty much the opposite of Cam lol). She’s very content when she’s awake, hasn’t had any trouble feeding, and has been sleeping 7-8 hour stretches – ammaaazing!! (We obviously cancelled the night nurse!). I worried about a lot of normal things parents do when going from one to two kids – getting out of the house on time, trips to the grocery store, finding alone time, my sanity, etc. It’s been an adjustment for sure but the more times we do it, the easier it gets! Some days we don’t leave the house, and Camden watches more TV than he should. But I’ve learned to not be so hard on myself this time around. Some of my most memorable days are the ones where we stay in our comfies, snuggle and watch Frozen 35 times (wish I was exaggerating).

Motherhood round two is going a lot smoother and has been a lot more enjoyable. Mila has been such a blessing to our family and I know Camden will be an amazing big brother <3 If you’re reading this and struggling as a new mommy (or second time mom), know that it gets easier. The days are long but the years are short – something I’ve learned to be very true!